the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
