We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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