Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
