I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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