i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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