RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
how does that bad decision feel?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
