All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize