You really coming over, don't trick.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
