I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
