Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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