i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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