y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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