Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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