I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
