I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize