I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
