Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
