Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
