Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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