Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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