I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
