she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
