Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
