help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
