We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
