Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
