I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
