it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
