Non-Jews are for practice
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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