i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
