My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
