I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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