Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
