I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize