You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize