oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everyone says I win the strip club
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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