whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
