Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
