I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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