shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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