So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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