can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
