im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
