I molested 6 butterflies tonight
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
