So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
