I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm really into asian looking animals
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
