Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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