I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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