is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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