it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ladies don't puke and tell
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
