p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize