Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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