guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
