Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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