you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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