Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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