I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
