just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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