didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
