Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
