Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize