I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my vagina is haunted
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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