another moral hangover. fuck.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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