i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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