And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
