Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
